


Collateral

by dementedgoat



Series: For you, a thousand times over [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Angst and Feels, Aunt Peggy Carter, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied Mpreg, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, M/M, Major Character Injury, Maria Stark's Good Parenting, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Omega Tony Stark, POV Alternating, Peggy Carter is Tony Stark's Godparent, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark Friendship, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Protective Pepper Potts, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26239768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dementedgoat/pseuds/dementedgoat
Summary: What happens after the shield comes barreling down?
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, Happy Hogan & Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark & Vision, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: For you, a thousand times over [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918309
Comments: 24
Kudos: 202





	1. Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> This trope has been stuck in my head for a very long time. So this is me indulging myself.

Colonel James Rupert Rhodes is a an air-force pilot in the U.S Military since he was fresh out of M.I.T and then he was also War Machine, so he was known for his poise, calmness and ability to retain his cognitive thinking during highly tense situations. but it was safe to say nothing in his life had prepared him for the what he was facing right now.  
  
Rhodey had flown a lot of missions in his life before or after War Machine, he had come across a lot of adverse situations and dealt with them skilfully and always made peace with the outcome. He had very early on in his career made peace with the fact that what he did was very dangerous and someday something was going to go wrong and he had prepared himself for the outcome of those situations as well.  
  
If anybody would ask him Rhodey would tell him that out of all the mission he went for, all the jobs he had undertaken he was most dedicated to the job of being the best friend of one idiot Anthony Edward Stark, not that he would ever describe it as a job, he would probably describe it as looking after looking after a adamant hyper-active child but he did it because he loved him, not that Tony would listen to him( Honeybear, you are getting sappy in your old age)

[ _You are the demon spawn! Tony, oh my god! What did you do to our room?” said Rhodey_  
 _“Hey don’t call me the demon spawn! I resent that. But wait a minute if you consider my dad who is a one hundred percent satan then you can be correct._  
 _But don’t call me demon spawn, you can call me the child of Satan. Yeah I will respond to that.” replied Tony_  
 _“Tony just stop before I go completely insane._ ”]

He faced the music of life with as much grace as anybody could be expected but right now he felt as someone had gutted him very badly and somehow he had failed to catalog this outcome in all that could horribly go wrong in his life.

FLASHBACK-  
“Hi! Pepper”  
Rhodey could see there were tear streaks that where framing her face. She was standing beside him refusing to sit.

He knew pepper and him had mostly bonded over Tony but they had been together for so long that a beautiful friendship had bloomed between them as well.

“Common Pepper, we always knew something like this could happen, it is going to be okay. You’ll see I know it is just going to be a minor seatback and we’ll find a way out of this too. We already went through this yesterday, it is going to be okay ” rhodey tried to console Pepper

“Jim… jim I am sorry, so sorry, but its Tony he…,he was…. Vision just brought Tony in from Siberia, he was rushed into emergency surgery he….he jim he was, oh my god! he looked horrible.” stammered Pepper

Rhodey opened and then closed his mouth he couldn’t understand what was wrong, hadn’t Tony informed Pepper that he had to help Steve, hadn’t he gone to help the alpha and his friend then how could he be hurt, wasn’t that the reason why he wasn’t here.

“Pepper what are you saying?” asked Rhodey.

“I don’t know! Oh my god! I don’t know Vision contacted me when he got an emergency signal from Friday. He contacted me around midnight that he was going to get  
Tony and then he contacted me for emergency transport. I don’t know. Jim I really don’t know what to do.” Replied Pepper

In this exact moment James Rhodes realised he was living his worst nightmare. All these years, all he had wanted was to keep Tony safe. He had taken a look at the too smart for his own good omega and had decided that he had to be there with him to prevent his smart mouth from getting his ass whopped because for all Tony knew he didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.

[“ _You insult me HoneyBear, I am a certified genius got the IQ and all to prove it.” said Tony_  
 _“I don’t care about your damn certificate Tony, you are a certified fool for all I care. You shouldn’t have mouthed off to the Head of the Department.” said Tony._  
 _Tony pouted._  
 _“Common you know he is nothing but an old timer who thinks that just because I am an omega I don’t understand physics when you know he was wrong. Plus I had you I knew you would drag me before I did something really stupid.” replied Tony_  
 _“What would you do without me?” asked rhodey_  
 _“My saviour_!” replied Tony]

The vent was making some noise as if a paper was stuck inside, the blades of the air conditioner were swinging from left to right and then from right to left.  
The doctor had a solemn expression on his face.There was a painstaking silence in the room as if all the air had been sucked out of the room and for maybe just a minute everyone wanted to just stop, stop and just breathe only if they could draw a normal breath.

Frostbite, multiple broken ribs, punctured lungs heavy concussion, but what was surprising out of all of this was that Tony was pregnant.  
Tony, tony was pregnant!

“It is common for omegas to not know until a few weeks have passed already, he gave us quite the scare, it was touch and go over there for a while, you need to understand that he is in an extremely fragile state. He was under surgery for more than 8 hours, we were concerned about the baby.” explained the doctor  
Rhodey and Pepper were looking at the doctor dumfounded, they didn’t know how to react.  
Behind them vision was listening to everything with a certain naivety that looked so like Tony’s that it crushed rhodey’s heart. Happy was standing behind him as if he could he would block all the pain from tony just keep him safe for once in his life.

How had it come to this state?

“How is he doing right now? asked Pepper

“You have to understand we thought his heart was going to stop but thank god it didn’t, his baby is fine, though he did give us a scare, his chest is going to be heavily bandaged, he had multiple broken ribs, we had to stabilize him. He is unconscious right now, he does have a heavy concussion so he has to be monitored for some time. His baby needs to be monitored. As to when is he going to wake up, it is a little difficult to say given his current state.” explained the doctor

“How far along is he?” inquired Rhodey

“4 weeks” replied the doctor

Pepper got up and threw up in the wastebasket kept beside the entrance of the room.

“The baby is fine?” asked rhodey

“Yeah, we had a specialist with us, though my team would like to get in touch with Mr. Stark’s routine physician to be sure.” replied the doctor.

Dr.Harris ,a beta, was a man of medium stature, he war wearing round glasses and his face was overcome with the hardships of the years. He had both his hands on the table as he was giving news to yet another family, with practised professionalism and air of distance. Distance between the doctor and the patient, between the emotions of the family and the responsibility of a doctor.

In this moment rhodey was just looking at the doctor and wondering exactly how many times had he done this, given news to the family, asked them to not loose hope, or consoled them. He never knew that one of the worst and best news of his life would be delivered to him like this. He couldn’t make from the tone of the doctor whether he was really sad or just really tired, at the end it really didn’t matter he guessed.

Pepper was walking down the corridor with Jim at her side in his wheelchair, she wasn’t sure she was every going to get used to seeing the man in a wheelchair. All her life she had known Rhodey, she knew him as a proud hardworking beta, he had dedicated his life to the US military, being a liaison to Stark Industries and then to War Machine, there was a certain cruelty to how he was being rewarded for all his hardships.  
“I am going to shift to his room, he doesn’t leave my sight for a second, not even for a second after this.” said Rhodey.  
“Okay, I’ll talk to your doctors and make it happen.” replied Pepper.  
“He is going to be fine. He is a fighter, always has been, I know he is a tough son of a bitch, he will be fine. Right. I mean its Tony we are talking about, he has to be fine” said rhodey  
“I am sure Tony will comeback to us.” consoled Pepper

The lift tinged and its doors opened, rhodey, pepper, happy and vision got in \and then went up towards room tony had been shifted to.

Tony was lying on the bed, surrounded by the machine, beeping and making sounds, informing the passer-by that the person in the room was alive, breathing whether conscious or not but he was alive and breathing. He was able to breath own his own, small mercies.  
The walls of the room was painted white and it has a wall clocking ticking away reminding of the moments fleeting away. Rhodey chuckled Tony would have hated it.  
“Do you have your phone with you?” asked Rhodey.  
Pepper handed him her phone.  
He played Bach on her phone and placed it on the table near Tony’s bed.  
“He hates the beeping of the machines, it makes him wanna rip his hair out and both of us now about his passionate hate for hospitals. He would want to listen to music, he always calls music his solace, though he would hate me for playing Bach but if he wants to do something about it he better get up.” explained Rhodey

End flashback

It had been 7 days since Tony had been shifted to the room, he currently had a nasogastric tube because he was refusing to wake up so he had to be fed that way. He had an iv inserted in his arm and another one at the back of his arm to supply him with his daily dose of vitamins be irrespective of whether he wanted to wake up or not his body needed it, his baby needed it thus he was supplied with it.

Pepper was sitting on the stool beside Tony’s bed, She didn’t know when was the last time he had slept like this, what irked was that even when tony was unconscious lying on the hospital bed he didn’t look peaceful. She didn’t know if the ever present crescent shaped dark circle underlying his eyes were trying to tell her something or just spoke about the sorry state of their wearer. Tony’s lips were pale, they were never pale, he always had a pink hue to them, he would always be licking his lips, god forbid that man would ever get up and use a chapstick. Seeing the paleness of his lips, the dryness made her uneasy, it made her want to apply chapstick to those lips but she didn’t understand what it signified more her utter helplessness, helplessness of the entire situation or that tony still didn’t wanna get up.  
  
She looked up at Rhodey and saw her bestfriend who hadn’t slept properly despite his injuries, and her other bestfriend who was refusing to wake up. She looked at rhodey he looked aged, he looked as if he was just holding the whole world together as if he was trying to shield himself, her, their bestfriend from anyone who would harm them more.  
  
Rhodey was on his bed on Tony’s left side. It was cruel because in all of the scenarios he had imagined him and tony always side by side this was not one of them, never one of them. Vision was sitting on the sofa at the further corner of the room trying to still grasp the situation, still blaming himself for rhodey’s legs and now for Tony’s state. The spiderkid had called happy a lot of times trying to know how Tony was, happy would go out of the room every time to talk to him and console him and reassure him that everything was fine.

He wanted to tell Tony that his family was here, that he, pepper, happy and vision were here, that they will be here to handle him, handle his broken heart give him all the support that he needed. He wanted to tell the brunet that he just needed to wake up, everything else would be fine.They would solve everything, he would be there with tony every step of the way as he was sure tony would be there with him.  
  
Pepper wanted to scream, cry shake Tony, beg cry plead tony to get up, just get up. She wanted to share the happiness with Tony about finally getting his pup, indulge him , listen to him ramble about his pregnancy pains, about the baby, about how overprotective Steve was getting, how he was going to get fat and everything. She just wanted him to get up.

Friday had shown them the footage of what had happened in Siberia after contacting Rhodey and making sure if her boss was safe.  
If rhodey had ever lost composure in his life it would be the exact moment he saw Steve Rogers barrel his shield towards his own mate. He had wanted to rip the doors off their hinges, kill Steve rogers and wake his best friend up.

Afghanistan had eaten at Rhodes’s soul for three months where he had blamed himself for losing tony, for letting him go in the other van, for not protecting him, Siberia was going to eat him away for the rest of his life.

Pepper had tried to console him, tell him he couldn’t have done anything, that he was not responsible for this, that this blame was not his, it was none other than Steve Roger’s, she had been very stern about it.

The hospital staff had given them Tony’s stuff his blood stained shirt, his trousers, his wedding ring, his broken in half dog-tags. All of them had been collected by pepper.

Somewhere in a safe-house on the outskirts of Ethiopia-

Natasha had just gotten up, she had just joined Steve, Sam and Wanda two days ago. Scott and Clint had stayed back in Wakanda to manage a plea deal and get back to the states. She was just about to get up and brush her teeth, she found a dumbfound Steve who had just finished his morning routine standing in front of the TV watching a news channel-

“Today in the latest new as leaked pictures of Tony Stark in a comatose flood the internet, several questions are raised, what happened to the public favorite iron-man? Is this why there has been no words on the accords, on the state of the avengers, is this why Tony Stark has been away from the public eye? And most importantly what happened to the land New York city’s favorite omega in this state?”

Natasha looked at Steve horrified.

Steve turned towards her sensing her presence “ I have to go Nat!”


	2. Corrosion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst Alert

**“** **He is being airlifted, to the compound, security is tight”**

**“Pepper is running the show.”**

Steve sighed. Sharon had managed to give him scraps of information given that she herself had to lay low for sometime.

“It is going to be difficult Steve. The people with him aren’t your biggest fans right now, and the government is running their own show.” said Natasha

“I am going to go.” replied Steve

“Good” 

“You don’t have to come with me” 

“But I will” 

“But you will”

* * *

Pepper had experience dealing with the media, the board members and everybody who wanted a piece of Tony’s time. So right now she was doing the one thing her best friend couldn’t do right now and that was keep the vultures away. She would make sure no more leaks happened, she was making the board members dance to her own tune and divert them so skillfully that they even forgot that they never got answers to the questions they had initially asked. And a day in hell would freeze over before the news of Tony’s pregnancy was released.

“He has to be monitored constantly, it will help that all his doctors will be there with him. I will stay in touch with his team and will be available whenever required.” said Dr.Harris

“Dr. Wu, Dr. Helen Cho and his specialist Dr. Alex Jensen are all there and I will be able to manage his security better there.” replied Pepper

“It will be good for his to be in a familiar environment and I know the Med Bay of the Avengers compound is better equipped then the hospital so I feel it will be better for him.

“Mr. Stark would have been helped more if his alpha was close by, it is often found that omegas always heal better when there alphas are close by, specially pregnant omegas who like to have their mates close by.” said Dr. Harris

Pepper repressed a wince then then plastered a smile and said “We will try our best. Thank you, Doctor.”

Pepper shook hands with the doctor and then left.

After the initial leak of Tony’s pictures no other information had been leaked, so public didn’t know about the fight of Siberia but majority of the world knew that half of the avengers were fugitives right now and the government was being suspiciously tight lipped about their fuck up.

* * *

Steve hitched a ride from Ethiopia to Egypt and then flew from Egypt to JFK. He was immensely thankful for Natasha because she had managed to get them fake passports and then with the help of the photostatic veil (nano mask) they were able to board the plane and land in America without being caught.

The main difficulty was not getting back into America, the main difficulty was getting inside the heavily guarded compound.

In this moment Steve was getting impatient because he knew his mate was severely wounded his inner alpha was being called to tend to his mate but he couldn’t just waltz in there to see Tony, chances were he was going to be tackled to the ground, tasered and then tied and never let anywhere near Tony.

If pepper was running the show then that was the best he could hope for. He had heard about Tony being injured ,all of Natasha’s little spies had just informed them that Tony was severely injured but the cause was unknown, not that it mattered to Steve because he knew the answer pretty up-close.

“I have managed to disable Friday enough for us to get inside without putting anybody at any risk but we will have to be careful because with Pepper and Happy running the show tony is going to be heavily guarded.” informed Natasha

“I can handle it.” said Steve

Since being defrosted Steve had been for a lot of stealth missions for SHIELD and then as Avengers they had tackled a lot of missions so he knew his way around and since the compound was their home for a long time, he could walk into the building blindfolded and still reach his destination, it also helped that he was a super soldier. The irony of the situation was not lost on him, trying to enter his home as a fugitive, a place where him and tony had made their little family, had so many moments together.

_[ “Omegas” cursed the officer under his breath._

_The Avengers had been asked to meet with the government for their latest mission, they were having the quite the conundrum about the approach to the situation. It was a rescue mission, something the avengers weren’t asked for frequently specially by the government but this was an emergency and the secretary of the state had to be rescued from his vacation, so they were here._

_Before Steve could reprimand the government official for making a comment about a person’s sub gender or even implying that the omega status of a person was a reason to hold them in a secondary place was so bothersome to him that he really wanted to tear this alpha a new one._

_Steve might have been from the forties but even he knew not to speak to an omega, not only an omega it was not a way to speak to anybody and if they were going to have a discussion over here then they needed to speak with his team mate with some respect._

_“Now, now just because I like to be on my hand and knees will being fucked or don’t think with a knot that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I am talking about.” Chuckled tony_

_“Mr. Stark…_

_“Ooo, now it’s Mr. Stark is it. Tell me what makes you go from omega to Mr. Stark_

_You sure do know how to make an omega blush_

_This must be the old days courting my father always talked about, pity I am not interested.” replied Tony_

_“How about we take a break?” interrupted someone much to the dismissal of the official._

_Steve could not keep a straight face but he was also in awe of the omega, somehow people always looked at Steve and thought he was just a order following, straight faced serving alpha who would recoil at the idea of breaking rules when he had done nothing because break rules since the very first day. He had respected Tony a lot after the fight of New York and then continued to respect him even more every day, he knew Tony was all about quick wits, jabs and deflections but there was something so beautiful in seeing tony browbeat the official and do it without even looking up from his phone was like he was trying to flirt with Steve without even knowing it. He guessed bullheadedness recognized bullheadedness and at the end of the day assholes over the world found each others.]_

Steve entered the compound and then made his way to the medical wing where he knew Tony was.

Steve walked in silence looking for the room, he walked as if he had been very recently defeated, he walked as if he was unsure of himself, he was weary anxious and so tired. There was a little tremor in his walk implying a certain sense of doom, his body itched with the need to be with his husband, he wanted to jump out of his own skin if that could settle the brain noise. He was waiting for the energy to leave his body or his soul to be finally disgusted and leave the treacherous body that embodied it.

He was dragging his body and his mind was holding a court of its own where Steve had already been convicted of the most heinous crime possible, the crime of hurting the love of his life. 

The silence was pricking Steve, in spite of being filled with ex-shield agents, guard ,and doctors the compound was eerily quiet, as if at any moment the walls would start speaking weaving tales about the humans that had once occupied those rooms. He wondered what would they say about him.

The intensity of the situation was making Steve feel as if it was a steep mountain climb, he was looking for his omega, his inner alpha had chastised him with a silver tongue for doing this, held him responsible for the state of his omega. He had felt kind of lost since the moment he had dropped his shield and limped out of the bunker. He had held bucky under his arm and left his mate behind, since that moment his inner alpha had been anxious, uncomfortable as if telling Steve that he was making a grave mistake, that he should go back that he should tend to his mate that it was wrong, wrong so wrong. Steve had repressed his feeling, properly gotten bucky the help he needed and moved on, but since the bunker he couldn’t get tony out of his head, Tony who was always there, he would fall asleep and dream about his warm brown eyes devoid of all emotions and the get up see tony follow him around all day with accusation and hurt in his eyes.

Tony who is his husband, his mate who was right in his anger but who was so angry that he couldn’t see that it was not Bucky. Steve couldn’t blame Tony a secret like that would have carved a hole in his soul too, but in those moments he couldn’t see right from wrong. But right now he wanted to see Tony, he needed to see him, the need to see his mate was so deep within him as if it had been calling at him for eons. Last he had seen Tony was when he had broken his husbands arc reactor and left him behind, the betrayal on his face was something that was etched into the fresh batch of his nightmares. Then he had completely gone numb on seeing Tony’s picture in the hospital bed, taken from an angle that spoke of treachery.

The picture shouldn’t have been taken in the first place , no wait that wasn’t correct he shouldn’t have put his husband in this state in the first place.

Steve was a bullhead, his husband knew the fact, had called him out on it, but at the end his husband was the one who was also paying a price for it.

As Steve was moving down the corridor looking for the room he knew tony would be in he saw Pepper standing in the middle of the hallway. His steps faltered and he came to an abrupt halt. Steve sometimes still felt uncoordinated in his too big body this was one of those moments.

“So it was true, you really have the audacity to come here, Friday was not wrong.” remarked Pepper

“Pepper! I just….I just want to see him, please let me see him” begged Steve

“Then what? What after you see him, see what you have done to him? Then will you leave him again, run back, play fugitives again.”

“Pepper please” he would beg if he had to, he would grovel if he could just see Tony once again.

“I won’t hurt him” after a beat he added “again”

“You sure about that?” asked pepper

That felt like he had been slapped across his face.

Pepper lifted her hand and for once he thought she was going to slap him across his face, he deserves it he knows that but he still winces, recoils but the slap never comes.

She just takes his hand and puts a file in his hand “I won’t stop you Steve, you deserve to see your handiwork, he still hasn’t gotten up but before you see him read his file.” said Pepper.

“Also, here you broke it, you handle it.”

On the top of the file Pepper placed a wedding band and his broken in half dog-tags with one half still attached to the chain and all fight left Steve.

Pepper didn’t know what she did was right or not. She didn’t know if Tony would have wanted this but if there was also a slight chance that Tony could benefit from this, that tony could finally wake up then she was ready to take it.

_[Steve was getting off the elevator, he had asked J.A.R.V.I.S to take him to Tony and he had taken him to the penthouse. They had defeated M.O.D.O.K today and handed him over to SHIELD but this time Steve wanted to have a contingency plan in case he escaped again._

_Tony had told him to just meet him after dinner so they could discuss it as team leaders first and then with the entire team tomorrow._

_“Hey Tony! You said we could discuss the plans after dinner and JARVIS brought me here and……” he came to an abrupt halt when he saw Tony sitting on his kitchen counter with a plate of what looked like cookies and a glass of milk in front of his face and a single tear drop flowing from his right eye._

_He was hunched over the counter with his shoulders tensed._

_“Hey Tony, what happened?” Tony then realized Steve’s presence then then involuntarily his hand snapped up to wipe away his tear._

_“It’s my mother’s birthday today.” explained Tony_

_“Oh. Oh! Tony I am so sorry. Do you….do you want me to go?” asked Steve_

_“I would like the company if you don’t mind.” replied Tony._

_“Yeah, sure.” Steve was not sure but why this gesture made him so happy, that maybe he would be of some comfort to the omega made him elated. His inner alpha preened at the idea that maybe Tony considered him a friend saw him as someone more than just a colleague or a team mate._

_“If you don’t mind me asking what’s with the cookies and the milk.” asked Steve_

_Tony hesitated but then continued “My mom, it was a ritual. Whenever I would be upset or she would be upset when I was a kid we would always bake cookies and . She didn’t cook a whole lot but she never failed at making these cookies and trying to make me happy, help me forget about everything that was wrong in those moments. Then I grew up and moved and then she passed away so we never got to do it again. I started .. I started again after Afghanistan so maybe I could I be a little closer to her. This maybe the only thing I can cook without burning it.”_

_“Tony that’s beautiful” said Steve_

_“Yeah. I don’t know about that but I just feel a little closer to her when I do this”_

_“ I also watch a little clip, a video while eating these do you want to maybe watch it?” asked Tony._

_“I would love to” replied Steve_

_Steve didn’t know, but this moment here something shifted between them, Steve had a profound feeling of gratitude he was feeling so happy and grounded in the same moment to be here to be trusted with such a fragile piece of Tony. He knew how deeply buried Tony kept all the secrets, how he protected himself against all that could hurt him, how scared he actually was and how desperately he wanted to keep things as close to him as possible._

_He wanted to take all the pieces of Tony, whatever he would give him , whatever he would be lucky to have ,whatever scraps Tony would give him, he would take them, he would protect all those pieces, cherish them , love them._

_They shifted to the couch._

_“J.A.R.V.I.S Cookie monster.” asked Tony_

_A video played on the television, it was shot on some form of camera which Steve couldn’t figure out, it felt like someone was holding the camera in their hand and on the screen he could see a tiny Tony standing beside the oven making grabby hands and a dopey smile made its way to Steve face._

_The kitchen was drowned in an ethereal warm glow_ _. The sun rays filtered in from the northeast window and fell directly on the countertop where cooking supplies were laid out. Gorgeous and colorful tiles were arranged to frame kitchen sinks and appliances. Glass and metal tiles framed the kitchen, it was covered in soothing and brown tones, accented with multiple hanging plants and exotic glass bulb light fixtures._ _Appliances_ _, cookware, kitchen cabinets, and counter ops was in harvest gold._ _Bold, patterned and foiled wallpapers adorned the walls. A large, single wall covered with a mural depicting_ _natural colors_ _, creating a contrasting backdrop to the smooth formica counter tops and rich ceramic floor tiles, Steve noticed it was a little window into Tony's childhood ._

_There was a beautiful women standing just beside the oven, she was looking at the child in front of her adoringly. Steve could see the twin heads standing opposite to each other with the oven tray open between them, the women was a well-tailored rust coloured knee-length dress with her brunet haired was pinned up in a messy bun, for a minute he was taken back to the days where he could lay his head on his mother’s lap and pretend everything in the world was fine._

_He looked across the couch at Tony who seemed as if he was transfixed watching the video. It felt as if Steve was looking from a window, looking at Tony for the very first time._

_Tony took the plate of cookies and put them between him and Steve while he held onto the glass of milk as if his life depended on it. In that moment Steve realized this was Tony Stark being vulnerable. This was Tony showing him the inner pieces of his broken heart. Steve knew this was maybe Tony’s attempt at trying, trying to show his more softer side, or just an attempt to seek comfort, or an invitation, an invitation to come follow tony, follow him until Steve completely, hopelessly and irrevocably fell in love with Tony._

_On the screen the women crouches down to Tony’s level and asks “ What does mommy say?”_

_“That good boys always get the biggest, tastiest cookies.” replied Tony in all his five year glory_

_“And what do good boys do?” asked Maria_

_“Don’t put their hands in the chocolate chip container” replied tony rather sheepishly_

_For a moment Steve wondered where did that Tony go and when did this Tony take its place._

_On the screen tony moves and is then lifted up by his mother and made to sit on the counter where he takes the hand mixer in his small hands which are then encased by his mother’s hand they start mixing the batter._

_Five year old Tony has a band aid on his face just beside his eyebrows across his temple._

_Maria looked at her son as if she could see his bruised soul, like she knows his heart will be broken a lot of times. There is a brief flicker on regret on her face as if she knows she will not be able to protect her son from all the hurt, that at some point the world is going to fail her omega son, she sees her own failure in her five year old son, she knows that maybe somewhere down the road she might add to the pain._

_Then they stop mixing the batter and drop the hand whisker, she then takes Tony’s face in her hands and caresses his cheeks, she then presses a kiss to his forehead and then tells him “ You are a good boy Tony, always remember that.”_

_Steve turns to look at Tony and sees him silently cry, he turns his face towards the screen._

_Maybe tony doesn’t want Steve to see him like this, maybe Tony is tired Steve thinks._

_On the screen little Tony looks at his mother with his big brown eyes as if he holds the secret to the universe and his mother is silly for not asking. He looks at her as if she would just ask Tony, he would tell her that she just loves him right and maybe ask her why did Tony have to live these moments at the expense of his father’s love._

_The video continues and they continue to make cookies and bake them._

_After the video ends, Steve turns towards Tony “ It was beautiful Tony.”_

_“She was a good mother, well she always tried her best._

_She would always tell me that there was always something beautiful in making mistakes, something very human to fail, not that I ever believed her. I am stubborn like that. She would tell me that it is human to hurt and also human to forgive and we should never forget that at the end of the day we all are just humans.”_

_Well all of us except Thor” chuckled tony_

_“People often forget that I am half her too, they look at my intelligence and see Howard but she was the one who would actually encourage me to invent, tinker all my father did was take a look at his omega son and decided I was no good.”_

_“I am sure she was a wonderful lady” said Steve_

_“Yeah she was” Tony looked as if he was looking somewhere very far away, Steve wanted to be there with him._

_“If you tell a word about this to anybody I will fight tooth and nail to deny it.”_

_“I wouldn’t dream about it.”_

_“Then J.A.R.V.I.S would be very angry and we don’t want him going all Skynet on you”_

_“No we don’t want that”_

_Steve chuckled and then caught Tony’s eyes, they reflected the lights well and Steve could see trust there.]_

Steve looked at the dog-tags and couldn’t decide whether they depicted his heart, Tony’s heart or Tony’s broken trust.

He opened the file and began reading

**_Frostbite_ **

**_Broken ribs_ **

**_Punctured lungs_ **

**_Heavy concussion_ **

**_Pregnant_ **

**_Pregnant(4 weeks)_ **

**_Chances of miscarriage_ **

Steve’s knee gave away, he clutched the dog-tags, the papers wrinkled in his hand.

He dragged himself to the washroom

There was a heavy weight in his head, it wasn’t letting him think. There was only one words swimming in his head pregnancy, he had hurt his mate, his unborn child. He was wrong, he had committed a crime, he was bad, bad so bad had hurt tony had hurt his kid, his unborn kid. He had hurt them, hurt tony , left him, left him in the cold, broken his reactor, oh my god he had hit tony, had physically hurt him, what if , what if he had hurt his kid, no no, no he shouldn’t have done this, this was bad, his mate was hurting his kid, no god his pup, their mother was hurt because of him, he had hurt his pup ,almost killed, no, steve wanted to vomit, he retched , he wanted , he wanted to …… he couldn’t but he wanted......

Ste..

Stev

Steve are you listening to me?

Somebody was here, no nobody would be here, he couldn’t face anybody , he did something bad, he…he

“Goddamit Steve, Steve listen to me. Steve you gotta breath, you can’t work yourself into a panic attack right now. Steve? Steve listen to me.

“Steve I am going to touch you right now.”

Touch, yeah he thinks he can do touch right now.

This might be the only instant where he needs touch the most.

She places a hand over his chest and places his hand on her chest

“Match my breathing Steve”

He had read somewhere that calling somebody by their name helps something, he can’t remember what, he can’t remember what is it supposed to help ,he wonders if Nat is trying to do that, trying to help with something.

But he is on his knees in the Avengers compound’s medical bay. He is on his knees and he feels rundown.

A chocked sob escaped him, he finally lets go, hot water spring from his eyes, he was on his knees, he was clutching Nat’s jacket with utter desperation, if he could just clutch it had hard enough maybe he could make things right.

“Nat I can’t, please Nat I can’t. I cant do it, I , god Nat what did I do? He should hate me, hate me for doing this. He will hate me for doing this to him and our child. Nat he doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve me, he deserves someone so much better. Nat he deserves so so much better. I don’t know what to do!”

Steve could feel bare hands clawing away at his chest in a desperate attempt to rip his heart out of his chest. He wanted to cry, he wanted to let the pain out of his chest, but little did he know that the pain had made home in his chest. Whenever he opened his mouth it felt as if air was only trying to make way to his lungs because his heart was completely in pieces and his brain could do nothing but gasp around the air.

Tears were flowing freely from his eyes, Nat gripped his hair, he noticed she was standing , he pressed his face too her stomach and she gripped his face. Tears were still flowing from his face, his brain couldn’t comprehend what was happening.

Was this how Tony had felt? Was this justice for doing what Steve did?

He was on his knees he couldn’t listen to anything,

“Steve you need to be there for him. He may not want you, he may hate you, but he will need you. you have to be there for him.”

“He is going to hate you, he is going to be very angry and for a very long time, he is going to be hurt and he is going to hurt you but you need to be there for him. You have to be better, you will have to better yourself for him.” said Natasha

Steve could still feel tears framing his face he couldn’t see tony now, he couldn’t see his mate, his pregnant mate like this because of him.

He had to be there for Tony, he had to face the consequences of his actions, he was going to do anything, anything that Tony needed just to earn his forgiveness.

Nat helped Steve get up, he splashed water across his face and she got him paper towels to wipe his face.

Steve took a step out of the washroom and towards Tony’s room, his legs were cold, they felt like jelly, his hands were shivering, he was pretty sure it was hot outside.

As he neared Tony’s room he could hear the steady beep inside, if he could focus enough he could also hear the sound of his shield hitting Tony’s arc reactor again and again.

As he opened the room, his legs nearly gave again too, Natasha helped him support his weight. Tony looked too pale, he looked so small lying in the too big white bed. He had steel coloured bags under his eye and his lips were pale. He was connected to a dozen monitors, their beeps felt like accusations to Steve.

He looked around the room and found another bed, he looked at Nat.

“Rhodes, he is in PT right now.”

Steve nodded.

He still had his dog-tags in his hands.

As he neared Tony’s bed he felt like he shouldn’t be here, that he had done enough damage that he shouldn’t touch Tony again lest he burns.

Tony’s chest was heavily bandaged, it felt like there was a little skin left which was not covered in bandages. He had IV’s running from both his hand, he also had a nasal feeding tube. Steve felt like somebody had poured cold water all over his body and then refused him warm clothes.

_[Steve was looking at tony as he lay in bed beside him. They had just shared Tony’s heat together for the first time. His heart was overwhelmed with the weight of what they had just done._

_He knew Tony was modern but what was seventy years ago for people felt like a year ago to Steve so it was a big deal for him to have shared a heat with an omega. He had a dopey smile on his face and he couldn’t stop staring at Tony and running his hand thru his hair. Steve had never thought he would ever be able to get an omega that to be one who was perfect. Steve at this moment recognized that Tony was a blessing in his life and there was not a future he could imagine where Steve was not with Tony._

_Steve knew he loves Tony, he knew he was whipped, he had fallen in love with Tony overtime layer after layer. He feel in love with the selfless hero, the caring team mate, the genius billionaire and the fiery omega. He had kissed all the scars, chased all the insecurities, showered him with his determination and in return had basked in Tony's love._

_Tony then stirred and Steve smiled._

_Tony smiled when he caught Steve looking at him. “What you looking at soldier?”_

_“My blessing”_

_Tony blushed_

_“You are a sap you know that”_

_Steve then got up and took his dog-tags off and then placed them over Tony’s head on his neck. They rested beautifully on his chest over his heart. Steve placed a kiss there._

_“ I know its not common anymore but I really wanted to give you something for allowing me to share you heat with you.”_

_Tony looked at Steve with wide eyes as if he couldn't believe what was happening, he tried to say something but no words fell out of his mouth, he looked shocked and Steve just wanted to kiss the doubt ,the insecurity away ._

_“I promise to protect your heart and never hurt you Tony, I love you.” confessed Steve_

_“I love you too, Steve.”_

_Steve looked at Tony thru his lashes and the omega was blushing looking at the dog-tags with a dopey smile on his face._

_“You really are a sap.” said Tony_

_“What can I say, you have bewitched me body and soul.”_

_Tony cackled “You did not just quote Pride and Prejudice to me”]_

Steve sat on the stool beside Tony’s bed and tried to clutch the omega’s hand but Tony’s hand remained unresponsive. There was low groan that came somewhere from his stomach and left his mouth. There was soft music playing over the speakers. He stroked Tony’s hair and silently begged the omega to wake up.

I am sorry Tony.

I am so sorry.

Steve doesn’t know if he would be able to take the brunt of Tony’s gaze when he looks at him. Those hazel eyes with their look of betrayal. He doesn’t know that if and when Tony will wake up will the brunet look at him with utter contempt, betrayal, unending pity or just explicable sadness.

If Steve was a better man then he would have left, left and never came back, never would have inflicted the pain on Tony, never would make him go through any of it and never would have inflicted his presence on Tony ever again. But he knew he was not better, maybe he wasn’t built like that or maybe he didn’t have the courage to leave and have his soul curse him daily for leaving its counterpart, to wait for the rest of his life and know that the phone call may never come. Maybe Steve Rogers was a selfish asshole.

Tony lay silently on the bed.

Steve was caressing his omega’s face when the monitor’s in the room started to go haywire.

Pepper burst into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't know how to feel.  
> All mistakes are my own.  
> Comments and kudos are great motivators.  
> Honest opinions please!  
> Thank you for reading  
> One more chapter to go


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy it!

Tony dreams.

He dreams a lot these days. He goes from a dreamless state to a dream and then back to the dreamless state. He thinks he is floating in an abyss. 

He dreams about his mama. She is wearing a yellow silk dress with white heels and white earrings too. Her hair falls on her shoulder and her freckles glow under the sun. They are sitting in Stark mansion’s backyard. It’s late in the afternoon, the sun little over the horizon, there a gentle summer breeze going around and the backyard is warm with the sun’s rays. 

There’s a large bur oak that is casting a shadow over Tony and his mother.

Today was a tough day, lately a lot of days have been tough. Howard was home today, Howard was also drunk. 

Tony laughs, Jarvis is trying to wrangle Bernard back into a cage. Tony likes Bernard, he is pretty. Tony is lying with his head on his mother’s lap, she is swiftly combing his hair.

Tony has a bandage on his left palm, his skin is wrinkled as if it folded in itself. It stings a lot, he is also only six years old and doesn’t understand why his daddy was so angry. 

Next time Tony dreams he is with Maria at the beach and she is looking beautiful with her sun kissed face and her hair in the wind and a carefree smile on her face. 

Sometimes Tony feels people calling him, their voices are muffled also they are very far away, in the background and tony is here with his mama and he is safe and warm and content. He is also very tired but he doesn’t know why and he doesn’t want to leave. 

There is a steady rhythm of beeps surrounding him, the room he is in is spacious but not too big and not too clustered, beside him is one more bed, Rhodey had recently abandoned it to sit beside tony and the wheelchair feels like it is trying to mock Tony, he is currently eating his jello with the enthusiasm of a teen asked to sit through a family meeting, so all in all Tony would describe it as a platter of a horrible situation with a side of irritation.

He is employing his old tactic of ignoring everything until it blows up in his face well in this case blows up again.

Pepper was there when he opened his eyes, he saw her usually put together face distraught and wanted to cry but he couldn’t, it felt as if his throat had developed thorns and his lungs were dry. 

He knows what happened, he remembers the fight with his husband, remembers the wait, remember everything up until the moment his brain wanted to rest and his eyes complied. 

Then he was in the avengers compound’s med bay and had been sleeping for the past 10 days, and he thought it had to be his personal best. 

Rhodey, his brother, his bestfriend was there looking furious and giving Pepper the stink eye, when he had asked about it the answer had hit him like a blow and he had to count backwards to get his breathing under control which again hurt like a bitch because of his lung, so all in all, everything was peachy. 

He can’t meet, can’t look at Steve not now, not right now. 

He looks at the his fingers and misses the glint of the ring on his finger.

He doesn’t ask pepper where it is, but he misses the comforting weight.

_[ “then Captain America broke down the door, and came face to face with Hitler…_

_“Did he punch him in the face?”_

_“Yes Tony he punched him in the face.”_

_“you shouldn’t listen to all those radio programmes, not when you have your own storyteller.”_

_“But you don’t visit anymore Aunt Peggy”_

_“Oh! Tony if it weren’t for your stupid father I would be here more but I am truly sorry. How about we take a trip to the park tomorrow with Mr. Jarvis.”_

_“will we see the ducks?”_

_“Yes Tony we will see the ducks”_

_“And Icecream?”_

_“ice cream also”_

_“love you Aunt Peggy.”_

_“Love you too”_

_“now come on mister its way past your bedtime and you need to sleep”_

_“But I want to know more about Captain America”_

_“You sleep now and I’ll tell you more stories about him tomorrow.”_

_“Do you think he would have liked me?”_

_“He would have loved you”_

_“Dad told me Captain America only likes good boys and I should be like him and not play all the time”_

_“Howard is a fool don’t listen to him, you are a very good young gentlemen and let me tell you a secret_

_Captain himself was a little naughty sometimes so he would have definitely liked you”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Yeah”_

_Tony smiled._

_Peggy got up from the bed and pulled the covers up on the six year old she switched off the bed side lamp and kissed Tony’s forehead._

_“Night Tony”_

_“Night Aunt Peggy.”]_

When he catches Pepper looking at him he smiles, he always smiles. She tells him that it’s okay to grieve, that he is allowed to grieve. Tony is not very sure about the allowed part , it’s a funny word allowed, he thinks he has had his fill of allowed, as if he hasn’t had to carve his way, claw his way to what he wants, as if he hasn’t fought tooth and nail to achieve where he is today, as if he was ever “allowed” anything, he hasn’t been allowed anything, he wasn’t “allowed” any sort of emotion, wasn’t allowed to feel, wasn’t....wasn’t allowed anything since he was a kid, his grasp over emotions is very recent which he again feels slipping from between his fingers.

It’s a parade of doctors now each coming up to tell him what is wrong with him and what he needs to do and all he can think is about a certain super soldier is sitting outside, a secret that acts like a wall between them and a fight that destroyed them. 

He is holding on for now, if he lets go now he will shatter, break and he fears that he will never be whole again.

“and you have to start on prenatal vitamins.. 

Wait. Pre-natal what? 

“What” 

“Pre-natal vitamins Mr. Stark” 

“You are pregnant Mr. Stark. I thought you were listening to when I was explaining about the emergency surgery, your condition and what to expect in recovery.” explained the doctor.

Yeah Tony had tuned out of that as soon he had heard collapsed lung, now he feels like an idiot. 

The news hits Tony like a truck, he feels fucking blindsided. 

“Is he/she okay?” asked Tony. 

Tony doesn’t know where that came from, he had never wanted kids but after bonding with Steve, he had felt as if it could be a possibility but in a very very far away future with Steve by his side. He…he doesn’t know..he… 

“The baby is fine Mr. Stark” 

“Oh! Thank god….yeah thank god”

In the background he could feel the beeps slowly getting faster and he could feel it in his chest. 

“I think we should take a break, we can talk to him again later” 

Pepper was beside Tony, she was holding his hand. She was talking to him, if only she could concentrate. 

Tony was feeling elated and then confused, he felt it was the best news of his life and he wanted to turn to Steve and ..but he …he couldn’t because Steve wasn’t here, Steve had kept a secret from Tony, Steve had taken a vibranium shield to Tony’s heart. 

A very tender feeling rose from his gut and blossomed very slowly in his very fragile heart, it was so tender and so tiny and so overwhelming and it was so bitter sweet. 

He wanted to be happy so happy, he wanted to tell everybody , shout it off the top of the empire state building and tell it to anybody who would listen that he was going to have a baby. A baby , his baby. 

“Pep, I am …I am going to have a baby..Pep a tiny baby.” 

The concept of having his baby was so foreign to Tony , it made him feel so profoundly overwhelmed as if his mind was reeling to grasp the concept that he actually was going to have a baby, his own baby. 

The thought was so distracting that for a moment he forgot about what was happening , what had gone down in the past few days.

He had loved kids first from afar, he has always loved kids, visited them, always stopped and spoke with them and sent them all the new collectables and recently he had been warming up to the idea of maybe having his own someday.

“Yes Tony, yes a baby, we are going to be there Tony, every step of the way, you are going to have a baby.” 

A feeling of sadness overtook Tony, it was very typical of his life to give him happiness and then wrap it up with a bow of sadness, a bow or the whole wrapping paper, whatever. 

He wanted to bang, break something, why was it happening to him, why can’t for once in his life he catch a break, he just …he just wants….he just wants his baby to be safe. His baby who isn’t even born yet, who is already caught between all this, his tiny little baby. 

A few tears escape from his eyes, “Pep, my baby …..pep 

  
“Shh Tony, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay, we will work it out.”

His head is on her shoulders now, she is holding him him and he feels like he is going to breakdown in her arms, her arms which has always been a safe place for Tony, a place he associates with warmth and love.” 

She is running her fingers thru his hairs and the other one is moving up and down his back

. 

Pepper has always been there, Pepper who had helped him put his pieces back after Afghanistan, after obie ,always there always helping Tony. He is damn lucky to have pepper in his life.

He turn and sees Rhodey who has a tiny smile on his face and tears flowing from his eyes. 

“You are going to be an uncle Rhodey bear.” 

The grin turns into a bull blown smile on Rhodey’s face and he moves forward to hug Tony who is still lying on his bed. 

“I am also going to get you out of the wheelchair as soon as I am out of here. No actually get my tab in here and we can start right away.” 

“NO” reply both pepper and rhodey reply simultaneously 

“You need to rest wheelchair can be taken care of later.” 

Tony pouts, but in this moment he feels a little bit relieved.

Tony knows he will get through this but he doesn’t know if he will ever recover from his husband’s betrayal, if he will forgive him. 

They give him his meds and ask him to relax for some time, take it easy. Rhodey is on the bed beside him and Pepper is has gone to attend an video conference. Happy is still on the couch with vision beside him. Vision has a solemn expression on his face and Tony thinks he knows which particular brand of guilt vision is carrying.

Tony closes his eyes, tries to sleep rest because he feels tired, so tired but as soon as he closes his eyes his brain goes into overdrive and pictures start flowing in front of his eyes. His mother, his father , his mother gasping for her breath calling out to his father, her neck, Howard…Howard with his head and then there is Steve..Steve with his shield…sitting on top of tony, his shield coming down, hitting him..hitting his arc reactor, his face …his… 

And his eyes open, he tries to catch his breath, breathe thru his nose. He feels a hand on his own and he can see Vision beside him telling him to breath. 

“Breathe Tony, breathe you are here, in avengers compound you are safe. It’s okay.” 

There is something so fond in his voice, Tony thinks he is imagining it, remembering somebody else. 

It’s been three days since he opened his eyes, three days of hospital hell and Tony wants to get out already. 

_[ Tony was standing in front of the glass looking at all those babies who were so blissfully sleeping._

_“Mr. Stark would you like to go inside?”_

_“Yeah”_

_He stepped into the room, there was a peaceful silence and the room was flooded with the distinct smell of baby powder._

_He stopped in front of the crib, there was no name tag, the baby was looking up at him trying to reach him with his small fingers, cooing at him._

_“Here you can hold him”_

_Carla bent and picked up the baby and carefully put him in the his arm._

_The baby gave a toothless smile and tried to reach for Tony’s face, he had a head full of brunet hair and his eyes were a deep hazel, Tony thought this must be what he looked like as a baby._

_The baby touched his face and tried to grab his goatee, a small smile bloomed on Tony’s face._

_“He was bought in this morning, left at the fir station, only 20 days old, but there is already a couple lined up for adoption”_

_“They are a good couple, I don’t know them but they had the same look you have now when they came to visit”_

_“Good”_

_“My kids say hi”_

_“I’ll visit them soon”_

_“You better, Bella is this close to breaking her toy again so see has a reason to call you”_

_“She can call me whenever she wants, she knows that”_

_“She doesn’t want to get in your way of Ironmanning”_

_Tony chuckled_

_“Hey her words not mine”_

_“I’ll visit soon”_

_Carla had been here ,working at the hospital since he was 21 and came to visit the babies, he had helped here when her own child has landed in the hospital and they has struck a friendship from there she had always kept his visits a secret and often let him hold the babies._

_Tony had always liked this, to be here, it made him feel very peaceful, calm, felt oddly connected to them, he could look at them all day, these tiny little bundles, they evoked an emotion of pure love from him, he could feel his heart burst when he held them._

_No body expected him to do this, nobody even knew that he does this, they looked at him and thought of him as a bratty omega living on the third page, hoping from party to party, drinking and living and just throwing money around and he had let them because this was only his and nobody gets to take it away from him.]_

These days have been a roller-coaster for him, and he know that the days that lay ahead of him are going to be even more difficult but he is hell bent on overcoming it. 

He has sudden bouts of anger, he remembers all the time Steve had held him whispered sweet nothings to him, promised him loved him while hiding all of it from Tony. Tony thinks he had been a fool to not see not see behind the curtain become so enamoured with the picture to forget to look behind to not have known. He feels so numb, so hurt and so tired he feels a gaping hole in his soul , he feels happiness sometimes slipping from his fingers. Sometimes he goes silent for hours and if it bother everybody nobody lets him know. He feels elated bout the baby and then he remembers about his father and everything he goes numb.

He thinks he is grieving, grieving his mother, his father, their relationship, his anger, all those years he hated Howard for taking away his mother from him, all those years spent in blind rage fury anger toward Howard, towards something that was not in his control, all the years spent in rage and fury, spent at the bottom of an alcohol bottle. Spent grieving the option that was taken away from him, grieving his happiness. 

Tony feels so betrayed, his whole being battered, betrayed and beaten down, his husband had kept a secret, a secret which Tony had every right to know, he had laid beside him promised to love him and then kept all of this a secret, had chosen his best friend over his own husband and that stung, it stung Tony a lot. 

He feels a chill settle in his bones, he wants nothing more than to be warm , he just wants to go somewhere warm somewhere safe, somewhere he can never be cold again.

He feels for now he can anchor himself, he would take care of everything just to give his baby a chance. 

The doctors have already informed that it is going to be tough, his reduced lung capacity, his recent surgery, all these years as ironman, his already weakened heart and his age everything is going to make his pregnancy very difficult but tony thinks he can do this, fight be there for his kid. 

They suggest that he stay close to his mate, his alpha that after a time he is going to need his mate, want him, and Tony laughs in there face and thinks he can and he will do this alone. 

Rhodey tells him he who mustn’t be named is still here and he tells him that he doesn’t care. 

He doesn’t care that Steve waits for him, he doesn’t care Steve is outside his room, he doesn’t care that he always disappears when Tony goes out for his therapy or exercises or he is not there when doctors come to check up on him, doesn’t care that now he is obeying his wishes and that he is moping all around the compound, doesn’t care that he is making a lot of people ansty.

Natasha comes to visit him. She says her apology and he forgives her, he has never been good at holding grudges, has hated himself for it but at the end of the day he forgives her but doesn’t let her get close and then she leaves, she leaves and also leaves Rogers behind and he hopes that she would have taken him with herself. 

He doesn’t stop loving him, he thinks maybe he will never stop loving him, he remembers when his love was all hot burning and needy, now he thinks his love comes with a side of pity and a whole lot of regret. 

He can’t meet Steve, not right now but he has to do it, he has to deal with the problem dropped in his lap again and that makes him want to laugh. 

He still has too much to do, get the accords properly shaped up, meet the spider kid, handle the board of directors, handle the media, handle R&D of his company, get Steve away from here, away from him.

Steve is a moron and sooner or later someone was going to find out and then they both were going to land in trouble so he needs to get him away from here, get him somewhere probably safe, whatever he doesn’t care.

It takes him three days to find out where the rest of the avengers are, he sets up a call with King Panther and arranges for BARF with Steve to reach Wakanda.

He is just doing these because he is the only one who can do it, so no point being a child, hiding his toys, disagreeing to share.

So here he is doing what feels right.

He sets up a call with the spider kid.

“God! You need to sleep kid and eat something that’s not sandwiches”

“Mr. Stark, thank god you are okay, I was…I was a little worried sir but thank god…thank god you are okay. I saw your picture…it worried me a little , I thought …I thought but happy was here, he told me not to worry but I was a little scared…a little scared…

“Hey underoos, its fine I am okay, I am fine”

“It’s okay Pete.”

“Why don’t you swing by the compound later and we will get working on the update”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah swing by we’ll have pizza and then you can tell me all about your death star”

Peter perked up on the screen.

“I’ll swing by later this week after school. Thanks Mr. Stark”

Tony smiled.

He could do this.

  
Tony had opened the curtains the moment he had regained the consciousness, he tells pepper he never wants to be cold again.

Rhodey is in PT again, Pepper has stepped out, Vision and Happy are outside if he needs anything.

Tony is bracing himself, he just wants to get this over with, he feels that even if spends a few more minutes here the coldness is going to engulf him forever, the music is still playing in the background and he doesn’t have the heart to turn it off. 

Steve enters the room, he looks defeated, sad, tired. He doesn’t look up and stands there quietly. Tony doesn’t care anymore but someone please tell that to his racing heart.

It irks Tony to see Steve standing there, his hair as golden as corn , curled on in himself trying to make himself small. He always occupies so much space, his whole demeanour demanding attention and here he is standing trying to look so small, it is wrong and it bothers him

“You need to leave.”

“T…Tony please” Steve closes his eyes and balls his fist. Tony thinks Steve might draw blood from his palms if he closes his fist any tighter, Tony wants to stop him but he…he....he can’t.

“You need to leave Rogers” 

Steve’s head snaps up as if he is hearing his name for the first time. He tries to takes a step with all the energy he can muster, he takes a step towards Tony. 

“Stop right there” 

Steve halts in his track. 

“I said you need to leave. You here is making a lot of people antsy with you being a fugitive and all and I can’t deal with the added stress.” 

Tony had mastered the technique of deflection at a very young age, he deflects very well , throws the proverbial ball far far away , Tony knows that, Steve also knows that. 

“Tony I am sorry. I really ….. 

“Look up” Tony interrupts 

Tony wants Steve to look up, look at Tony, see him, see what he did, he wants to be cruel to Steve, he wants to be quick and sharp and cruel and he thinks he wants to punch and kick and scream and hurt and he just wants Steve to look up. 

There is a weight at the back of his neck because for the life of him Steve can’t lift his head up and look at Tony can’t see the face that was always so full of emotions devoid of life. Tony always used to look at him with so much love, so much love that Steve’s heart would burst with happiness. But right now he can’t….can’t look at Tony.

“Goddamit Steve you look at me if you wanna talk to me” Tony demands, Steve is still not looking at him and Tony’s inside are boiling, he burns, he burns with white hot rage, , he wants to know, he needs to know, his desire to know shines bright like the sun on a clear day eclipsing all his other needs. He needs Steve to look at him, to tell him, answer him.

Tony needs Steve to have an answer for all of this, a reason, a reason compelling enough to make Steve wanna do this, a reason worth it for their relationship to be broken like this. He doesn’t want to carry this weight alone, he has this cardinal need of sharing this weight with Steve.

In the moment Tony sees Howard standing there, he sees Ty standing there, he sees Sunset standing there, he sees Obadiah standing there and he wants to see everything ablaze.

He feels the burden of all these years wearing him down, he sees the cracks formed overtime, his faith, hope, optimism, love all broken.

He feels as if he doesn’t get everything out he is going to burn, boil from the inside out, his soul turned into ash, his bones charred, he has a need, a need so deep to let go before his heart explodes and all the years of hurt and pain escape him and burn everything to the ground. 

He sees Steve standing, unmoving body and wants to hurt him, he takes the next thing lying to him and hurls, he hurls it directly at Steve. 

It misses Steve by an inch. 

Tony laughs, he laughs because he doesn’t think that he is capable of hurting Steve even right now. Tony laughs and Steve looks up and Tony can see that Steve’s scared and that his baby blues have a haunted look.

His laugh becomes louder and Tony thinks he is finally going crazy, that his brain has decided that it’s enough and has finally descended into hysteria. 

“It must have been easy. It must have been so easy to hurt me, to never tell me. to break me.” 

Tony wants to move he wants to sock Steve in his perfect face but he still has a iv in and for the very first time in his life he doesn’t move cause of his child.

“Tell me why was it so easy for you Steve? Tell me why did you do it? Why did you hurt me? Why? Tell me. Goddamit tell me.” 

“Tony……tony it was not, it was not easy to hurt you, I didn’t wanna….I swear I….I” 

Steve takes a step towards him. In the next moment there is a red and gold gauntlet encasing itself around Tony’s right hand and the repulsors start to charge up 

“ Don’t come closer.” 

“Tony please…..just please listen…. 

“No you need to listen, I don’t need you anymore, don’t want you anymore, you are nothing to me. I want you to leave, I want….. I want you to never come back, go away Steve please just turn around and go and please don’t come back, for the love of god Steve I beg you don’t make me go through it again. There are tears flowing down his face, he can’t make out from where they are coming but he is not being able to stop also. 

Tony thinks maybe it is easy to love him and leave him, he always has been secondary , secondary to his parents, secondary to his lovers, secondary to his godfather and now secondary to his husband. 

Someday somebody is going to write a poem about a man who had a broken heart since birth and he lost all the love he found. 

God! he was being pathetic.

“Tony……please, just…..please listen to me. I know..I know I am sorry.. 

“Sorry doesn’t even begin to cut it… 

“I know I…..just…I……I….Tony …just..please give …..just please 

Steve is looking at him as if Tony had taken a bat to everything he loves. He looks at Tony with so much sorrow, pain and hurt that Tony doesn’t know what to do. Tony has gone numb inside and he doesn’t have the energy and he is so tired 

“I don’t think I have the energy anymore” 

“Leave Steve, I can’t…I can’t do this right now. 

I need to go, to I don’t know what Steve but at this moment I want to be anywhere but here, be with anyone but you.” 

“ I just want you to go and I just want take care of my kid” 

“You can’t do that alone, I mean you can but you shouldn’t. I should be there, I would…..i would help I mean….I mean you would need me and I…I could help you Tony..help you 

Tony does what he has always done, he collects all his pieces lays them down and slowly glue them back, always sitting at the table gluing back whatever was left this time, whatever pieces he could salvage this time, trying and building, building his walls even higher.

There was a moment, a brief moment where Tony had thought that he could be happy, even if fucked up sometime he could be happy, he would get to have this family this people his husband and finally the universe wouldn’t begrudge him and give him a chance, a real shot at happiness but now it all lay crumbled at his feet. 

“ I don’t think so you can help me Steve, not…not anymore.”

“Bye Steve” 

“I am not letting you go Tony, I refuse….I will….I cannot…for you Tony…for our child…..Tony… 

“I won’t keep them away from you Steve 

The kid deserves that but you need to……you need to leave now. 

“I…..I won’t let you go Tony, I won’t.” 

Tony can see his bullhead of an husband standing there with determination with fight in his eyes, his whole body rigid, rooted in one spot, ready, ready to do anything, ready to not let go.

Tony wonders how Steve does it, how he fights, doesn’t let go, he wants to know, how he jumps from one thing to another ,he wants to know the secret how is he standing in front of Tony all broken and bent but still ready to fight. His optimism it perplexes Tony’s brain. 

Tony feels very tired, he wants to rest for the first time in his life he wants to rest, not do anything anymore, just maybe sleep for a little while , yeah that sounds good sleep, that sounds good. 

“Just go Steve, there’s nothing left anymore.”

“Tony please, just please listen to me I am sorry , I will fight for you, I won’t let you go. You are my husband Tony, my mate, you are my one in a million, you gave me a home Tony, you made me love the future, my chance and my future too, so no I won’t, I won’t let you go, you my kid I won’t let it go so easily.”

“There’s nothing you can do anymore.

Go Steve”

Tony lies back down on the bed suddenly feeling bone tired and closes his eyes.

The next time he opens his eyes there is a ring kept oh his bedside with a note and a phone and he picks it up and tries to hold his tears back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was difficult to write. I wrote and then re-wrote it several times, i do hope you guys like it!  
> I am a sucker for godmother Peggy which she totally was.  
> Comments and kudos please.  
> All mistake are my own.

**Author's Note:**

> There are going to be two more chapters, I think. One from Steve's pov and another from tony's, again not sure.  
> Any mistakes are my own,plus i am sleep deprived.  
> Enjoy!


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